I don’t know what it is I’m meant to do about Kev. He’s a head case, he needs help. I can’t remember being this angry with someone ever and if he were here I’d probably slap him for being such a complete bastard. He scared the crap out of me last night. He kept saying that he felt like shit, and then he went and disappeared. Then I found him later and he was still sad, but in his “I don’t give a shit, I’m hard” sort of way. I saw how he was looking at the townies behind us, I know what he gets like when he’s upset or angry, he’s irrational and stupid and gets himself into trouble, and loses fights. I’ve seen it too many times. I’ve seen him throw chairs across rooms at people; I’ve seen him knock people out. I’ve seen him walk up to people like the tit he is and try to start a fight. He only does this when he’s upset. Last night, he was upset, and alone, and he kept glaring.
He was stoned. Nothing was wrong with him at all, he was just stoned. I told him not to fucking bother talking to me if he’s going to act like that, if that’s what it does to him he shouldn’t smoke, I don’t think he’s talking to me now. I hate having to worry about him all the time but I can’t help it, and he scared me and he doesn’t even care. He was meant to be the one to look after me, not the other way around. It’s probably quite lucky that I love him as much as I do.
Anyway, Mollie and myself left early due to boredom and soberness and I was angry because I hadn’t spent any time with Kev and I had no one to dance with. We went home and ate toast and watched music channels until I said something so boring that it killed the conversation and made us both fall asleep.
I went to Birmingham today with Tara B, Claire, Nicky and Ruth. I was miserable and money less, so sorry about that Ruth… we did decide that maybe mixing the juice of pine and the juice of apples would give you pineapple juice though… in some countries. I wish I had loads of money, just to spend on clothes. I found some pretty shoes that i might ask for for my birthday...